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A Glitch in My Romantic Future

26 October 2015

Sometimes I ponder my romantic future and wonder how the hell I’m ever going to meet someone. Well it’s certainly not going to be in my workplace, where probably 97% of the employees are female, 1% of the sparse male population are gay. Which is a shame because I’m just so attracted to these guys but as someone diligently pointed out to me recently, it doesn’t matter how much I adore them, it’s simply not going to help my cause. (Insert sad face). The other 2% of the male workforce are either to young for me, they could pass as my children, which is just icky, and the rest are married and have families. (Insert another really sad face).

 

So, you have to resort to online dating, because people don’t meet people like they used to anymore. It’s a cyber world.

Online dating is an interesting experience, I have been there and done that. I despise it. Usually anyone that interests me wants a woman who is active and sporty, fit and slender. Well that is so not me! Then there is the question of my MS. Do I tell people? Do I hide it? Do I pretend it doesn’t exist? Do I pretend it is not my ever present companion because really what it boils down to is love me, love my MS because it is part and parcel of me. It is incorporated into the person I am.

 

Unfortunately, people will notice sooner rather than later that there is some sort of issue going on with me. Maybe five years ago I could have hidden it a lot better but today I could possibly only just get away with not disclosing it for a couple of dates. So that being said, ideally I would like to be upfront about having MS, so people know what to expect or what they might be faced with.

 

‘Hi, I’m Rebecca. I have MS”. Its like going to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting? Apologies to any attendees of these groups but that’s just a little bit out there for me. And I’m sure it would be a tad confronting to whomever was in the firing line.

 

I’m guessing my dating profile would go a little like this.

 

Hi, I’m Rebecca, I have MS. (strike 1) I’m a nurse who does shift work. (Strike 2) I’m also a single mum. (Strike 3) I can’t be particularly physically active because work is enough for me. I’m so tired when I get home, I don’t want to go out anywhere. Sometimes I’m so exhausted, I can’t cook let alone climb Mt Everest or go skiing in the French Alps. Sometimes walking is hard for me. Sometimes I find driving 10 minutes is too much. Sometimes when you talk to me, I might look like I’m not interested because sometimes my concentration span is goldfish like.

 

But maybe in the future I might like a companion. I love doing things that are a bit sloth like, well let’s face it, a lot sloth like. Sleeping, eating, napping, couch time, watching movies, DVD’s, listening to music, reading, cat time and the list goes on. I like daydreaming, I’m actually an expert at it. I bet none of your old school teachers told you this could happen when they caught you day dreaming in class and reprimanded you for it...

 

Yes, I can’t do everything I did when I was younger but I’m still me.

 

“What? you want to go out tonight?”

 

“Umm sorry, I can’t go out tonight, I’m exhausted, I used all my energy supply going to work.” No more spoons left.

 

“What about Friday?”

 

“Sorry I’m working.”

 

“Saturday?”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Well when are you free?”

 

“Mmmm, I’m free on the 16th and !7th”.

 

“That’s to far away, how about we just forget it?”

 

And so it goes on…

 

 

I think I’m a great person. I’m kind, honest and caring. Mostly intelligent, mostly articulate, depending on the fatigue levels that is. I can be witty and I for one think I’m bloody hilarious.

 

Anyway, I’m thinking I’m on my own for the foreseeable future, unless I run into someone amazing with my shopping trolley in the supermarket. (Accidently on purpose of course) and they miraculously think I’m amazing as well.

 

That’s my back-up plan..

 

Image Credit: 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/99581103@N06/16040401491/in/photolist-qrrfwp-qaaGf4-6GAkQB-3kNoTD-6NJWjV-7CDQNi-cmZGXo-biYXU-znyatz-iaXPF-oZ2Qr-5hNHXv-nkW3vE-6NByrU-p9zvF3-2zzVj2-4MpUej-e96VDj-bujkgg-anemRh-Kqbdw-2jsQ9-96Sik8-7ag1Go-9id977-aaxHwC-584y2J-6NBzEG-EBPKM-e99TT9-76CYbQ-oevEjM-53fbDG-5jjAbE-vBzrE-762P1m-vpUbS-8FsmM7-44zEZZ-4s6Qn9-7Quqyd-6AkXva-nPDtPu-4JpwzY-mWFwkR-ffpGoZ-pdVHys-fJF2pd-DAGj7-AgPsg

Comments (8)

I can so relate - thanks Rebecca! I'm sure MS can be tough on relationships whatever your "status" when you are diagnosed, but I can't help feeling a little envious of those who already had a partner in their lives. The challenge of finding someone with this particular "added bonus" to bring to the table is a tough one. Thanks for airing it!

Thanks Unaffected One, I often wish I had a partner in my life before I was diagnosed also but not to be. Anyway who knows what the future may bring for us?? Its just something I often find myself thinking about. :)

You are a very kind and beautiful person Bec and deserve someone special. They are the ones missing out on your company :-)

Really interesting to read Rebecca. I was already partnered when I was diagnosed and, while it did help to have that support, I also felt overwhelming feelings of guilt around how MS would impact my partner's life too. I never want to be a burden on someone else and be the reason for their worry. A few years on though, I think MS has made us stronger and definitely taught us not to worry about the smaller things in life. It got me thinking about whether I would disclose my MS if I was on the dating scene, and I really don't think I would initially. I'd hope that someone would initially want to get to know me, and not my MS, and I hope you meet someone who has that approach, we are all so much more than MS. You never know when your 'back up plan' might pop up :)

I love that you wrote about this Bec. I have now seen, and heard all sides of the relationship with a chronic illness debate. There are friends of mine who were in happy relationships prior to diagnosis, who are now single. Then there are others who have met someone post diagnosis. The navigation is a hard one to disclose or not too. A like what The Unaffected One has been discussing. Do you be open straight up or not? My view is, if you do tell them straight up and they can still see how beautiful and wonderful you then they are the keeper. I wouldn't want to waste my precious spoons on investing in someone that as soon as I told them would run. As a side note: When I met my husband, I already had a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia (which turned out to be early MS) and I told him straight up, he saw past it and well you know the rest is history. :-)

Thanks Amber. I think its hard either way, partnered or not partnered. Its just something that I think about sometimes. I agree, I don't want to waste my spoons on investing in someone thats going to run when they know your diagnosis but then again they might not?? Hard decision. Your very lucky your hubby saw past your diagnosis and saw you, for you. :)