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My Life with MS

27 June 2015

Pondering my MS as I do.  I am surprised to find people see traits in me, that I don't.  Amazing, courageous and strong. "Who", "what?" " Are you talking about me?".

I'm not these things. The most amazing, courageous and strong people for me, are the many I have known and encountered on my journey. Those people living with insidious diseases that go about their days as though nothing is wrong with them, even though they are facing the worst possible outcome. The people who have lost loved ones to these same diseases, who care for them day in and day out. People who have lost their precious ones to suicide, through accidents that no-one can make sense of.

These people are my heroes. They are the strong, they are my inspiration. They keep me going on bad days.

I think my diagnosis with MS was easier to swallow because these days I am a nurse. I wasn't always. Now I know, there are all sorts of worse things.

Don't get me wrong, some days, some weeks are horrendous and I curse my MS every second but there is always hope, always a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish it was here.

Perhaps, I am strong? I wasn't always. People don't see me either, when I'm home alone and cry myself to sleep. I get up and go on everyday for my daughter. What sort of role model would I be, if I just gave up? I get up for me. I get up because I've finally found who I am and what I was born to do. I get up because I love my independence and freedom. I get up to embrace the day, to live it, love it and sometimes hate it but it is my life and whatever challenges come I try to face them with a sense of humour, dignity and love.

I look at all these things and it's only just dawned on me, like coming to the end of a book, a sudden realisation

I see it all so clearly now, my divorce, being a single mum, becoming a nurse, have all shaped who I am and were meant in some way to prepare me for this new challenge.

My Life with MS.

Dedicated to Sandra Starr, my Aunty who inspired me after a conversation whilst she was recovering in hospital. Thank-you! Xx

 

 

Image Credit: 

Image by Jess Feldon, "Inspiration", August 1, 2012. Original 3548 X 2753, Flickr, https://www.flickr.com/photos/jessfeldon/7698429440/in/photolist-cJhsS5-...

Comments (9)

I identify with the concept of keeping on going. I recall the feeling of being in 'survival mode' - only being able to focus on completing each chunk of 24 hours with little capacity to look beyond that. It sounds like you have developed an incredible resilience that (even if you don't notice it) other people have!

Hi Sarah, thanks for your comment. I try to be resilient, obviously some weeks are easier than others!

Rebecca, I know what you mean. Life can be tough enough without throwing an incurable neurological disorder into the mix. I'm so glad you found your right livelihood, and can do what you do with such grace and courage. I hope you will share your tips for getting the most out of every day whilst living with MS. You may not think the compliments you have received apply to you, but it seems to me you are Starr by name, star by nature...

Thanks Lawrie, I am lucky enough to love what I do and I hope to keep doing it for the foreseeable future, though some weeks I really have my doubts ( future blog coming ), which is a scary prospect. :( What does Dory say in Finding Nemo? " just keep swimming" , this is becoming my motto.

wow.. i am in tears here girl... i am one of those who is just so so proud of you and yes you are incredibly strong... i am in awe of you my wonderful friend... you have approached this with dignity and hope, something that not many of us would be able to do.. love you heaps....xx