My Life with MS
Pondering my MS as I do. I am surprised to find people see traits in me, that I don't. Amazing, courageous and strong. "Who", "what?" " Are you talking about me?".
I'm not these things. The most amazing, courageous and strong people for me, are the many I have known and encountered on my journey. Those people living with insidious diseases that go about their days as though nothing is wrong with them, even though they are facing the worst possible outcome. The people who have lost loved ones to these same diseases, who care for them day in and day out. People who have lost their precious ones to suicide, through accidents that no-one can make sense of.
These people are my heroes. They are the strong, they are my inspiration. They keep me going on bad days.
I think my diagnosis with MS was easier to swallow because these days I am a nurse. I wasn't always. Now I know, there are all sorts of worse things.
Don't get me wrong, some days, some weeks are horrendous and I curse my MS every second but there is always hope, always a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish it was here.
Perhaps, I am strong? I wasn't always. People don't see me either, when I'm home alone and cry myself to sleep. I get up and go on everyday for my daughter. What sort of role model would I be, if I just gave up? I get up for me. I get up because I've finally found who I am and what I was born to do. I get up because I love my independence and freedom. I get up to embrace the day, to live it, love it and sometimes hate it but it is my life and whatever challenges come I try to face them with a sense of humour, dignity and love.
I look at all these things and it's only just dawned on me, like coming to the end of a book, a sudden realisation.
I see it all so clearly now, my divorce, being a single mum, becoming a nurse, have all shaped who I am and were meant in some way to prepare me for this new challenge.
My Life with MS.
Dedicated to Sandra Starr, my Aunty who inspired me after a conversation whilst she was recovering in hospital. Thank-you! Xx
Image by Jess Feldon, "Inspiration", August 1, 2012. Original 3548 X 2753, Flickr, https://www.flickr.com/photos/jessfeldon/7698429440/in/photolist-cJhsS5-...